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Good bye Mr Hefner

Good bye Mr. Hefner ,

Yesterday I read that hugh Hefner , founder of playboy magazine died at 91. Without thinking I posted the New York Times post on my Facebook wall, I added the comment rest in peace.

I did this without thinking , and I did this because this is who I wish to be ; a person who honors when life is ended , no matter whose life it is,

Yet, as the day went on I felt a growing anger. And I felt it important tomy being to say some more about this matter , this man and how he and other aspects of the so called sexual revolution caused damage to the young woman I once was.

It’s was already my sad fate to,have been raised in a household brimming with sexual, emotional and spiritual abuse. And then, I has the puzzling experince of coming to womanhood during the time where I was told that my freedom depended upon my sexual availability . Saying no was a sign of being repressed , or worse yet controlling. My value and my empowerment came from having all the sex my partner wanted , having no personal needs except to say yes to and have as much sex as possible .

Certainly wanting closeness , communication or commitment was uncool and should be avoided by the emancipated woman …

It was all rubbish certainly, and for my soul a perpetuation of the sexual abuse of my childhood.

Playboy magazine , cosmopolitan , and other publications felt it their duty to inform me that orgasims were my right and that I should demand them. No where was information on the importance of communication, empathy, true passion and trust that was required for two human beings to explore, care and value each other enough that orgasms are the natural result.

Mr Heffner , in my opinion has been the spokes man for immature broken masculinity. From the immaturity comes that false sense of privilege and anger when one doesn’t get their way. It’s one of the seeds of what we now call rape culture .

I’m speaking here about my journey . The point of any revolution is freedom . This means that everyone has the freedom and support in exploring what the words sexuality , gender, and orientation mean to us individuals , and the then the courage to reach out and communicate who we are to our peers with out judgement or injury .

The US still has much healing to do from its repressed and shaming Puritan beginnings . It is my opinion that the preaching of the Playboy man or the Cosmo girl hasn’t helped this healing . I am heart warmed as i recall the compassionate therapists, and grounded spiritual leaders and precious sexual partners , who assisted me in the development of my own sexual unfolding , and I rejoice in my absolute pleasure and acceptance of myself and my own sexual and emotional energy and power .

My wish today is that all people have the same opportunity.

The erotic has been used against women. It has been made into the confused, the trivial, the psychotic, the plas- ticized sensation. For this reason, we have often turned away from the exploration and consider- ation of the erotic as a source of power and information, confusing it with its opposite, the pornographic. But pornography is a direct denial of the power of the erotic, for it represents the suppression of true feeling. Pornography emphasizes sensation without feeling.

~Audre Lorde


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