Two Fathers – L. Samsarah Morgan

by L. Samsarah Morgan

By now, we are all aware of the incident that took place on May 23, 2014. But to review briefly, this was the day that Elliot Rodger murdered his roommates. He left his home, and after uploading a YouTube video and emailing his “manifesto”, he proceeded into the town of Isla Vista, California. By the end of this day, seven people, including Elliot Rodger himself, would be dead. 13 people would be injured.

This is the most recent case in our country’s epidemic of school shootings, and it has brought out images that are now, sadly, very common to us: crying young people, grieving family members, and a traumatized community struggling to make sense of the drama that has overtaken their lives. These scenes have become part of our landscape in this country; they threaten to be commonplace. It’s as if there is a category in our collective psyche marked “mass shooting” into which each new horror story is stored.

Immediately, the same arguments present themselves. Those against guns, those for guns. Discussion regarding the roles of men and women in our society. We looked at “rape culture,” and how males are acculturated to feel entitled to women’s bodies, attention, and lives.

Although I support these conversations, I am often frustrated. They seem to not have any lasting effect. They do not lead to change on either an interpersonal or governmental level. These conversations do not affect the powerful pull of capitalism and its hand in sabotaging the healing that needs to happen between human beings. Consider the gunmakers and gun lobbyists: their incomes depend upon there being more and more guns sold. It is simply not in their interest to see things any other way. One less gun sold is a direct hit to their interest. They have millions of dollars at their disposal, and they are willing to fight for their lives.

There are those who feel that having a gun is a right that is promised to them in the constitution of our country, and so they, too, are willing to fight — to fight for what is (to them) a fundamental right to own a gun for protection or hunting.

There are those who look with disdain at people who wish to own guns. They, themselves, have no desire to hunt, and cannot fathom why anyone else would.

And then, there are grieving parents. There are the family members of people whose lives are ended by gun violence. These people are attempting to continue walking each day in the pain of soul-searing grief, and they imagine the terrifying last moments of children, spouses, friends: real people, not statistics. Real people who had once lived, laughed, and loved on this earth.

Another shooting, and these groups are activated. The news cameras greedily captured it all. And then, something happened. Something that brought tears to my eyes… something new.

I saw a report that Richard Martinez, the father of one of the shooting’s young victims, agreed to meet with the father of Elliot Rodger. Mr. Martinez and Mr Rodger met privately. No press was permitted to overhear them. At a press conference later that day, Mr. Martinez stated that he and Mr. Rodger had committed to working together. They would find a path to healing on this matter. At the moment, they didn’t know what that would look like – but they had both embraced is as a path they would make happen. Somehow, some way.

I wished with all of me that I could have been a fly on the wall during this meeting. I wondered what these two fathers said to one another. I wondered if there were tears, anger, apologies – I wondered.

The fact that this conversation had taken place at all felt very hopeful to me. Two grieving fathers shared space, and made the decision to not take separate corners. They could have easily decided to hate each other, but they did not. They decided to see how they were both on the same side of the street. They both had dead sons. They are both citizens of this country, and neither wanted another family to experience what they were living through.

Mr. Martinez admitted that he had not allowed himself to be affected when he saw news reports about other families’ pain in similar circumstances. Not that he didn’t care, but it hadn’t reached him somehow.

Mr. Rodger had attempted to get help for his son. Upon seeing his son’s YouTube video and email statement, he contacted the authorities, and reached out to his son’s therapist. He came running, hoping to save his son from his destructive path. He had wanted to save others who might cross that path. He tried. He failed.

Our world continues forward, and these fathers’ sons no longer walk the earth – a total of seven people were killed (including the shooter, Elliot Rodger), and 22 were injured. Why? Some reasons came from Elliott’s mouth in his manifestos. But those words are just the beginning of the story. There is more much more. These matters are never simplistic and there is responsibility all around.

I agree with Mr. Martinez: it is important that we feel for each other in a much deeper way. We must, as members of a loving society, stop allowing ourselves to be polarized. We must not be torn apart by our own opinions, by our desire to express our individual rights, or by the mad dash to make as much money as possible. We must feel each other on a cellular level.

It has been said: Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.

It it written in the Christian Bible: …. “For where two or three have gathered together in My name, I am there in their midst.”

I am soothed and inspired in my belief that God was present when these two fathers met in grief. I look forward to the fruits of this meeting and, at the same time, I challenge myself and all of us to seek the strength needed to shake off the malaise feeding the wounds of our culture. These dead young people are our children, on city streets, on college campuses, or elementary schools. The batterer and battered, the raped and the rapist, the bully and the bullied… all children everywhere are our children. We are all charged with creating systems that make positive decisions and safety more possible for them. For all children. All.

I send prayers to these Poppas, and to their families. I offer my deepest condolences to everyone who lost a loved one in this brutal tragedy. May this be the last of its kind. May we move with open eyes and open hearts, quickly, before this can happen again.

2 fathers

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