Interestingly enough; I found myself pondering fatherhood on the feast day of St. Joseph.

I am pondering fatherhood partly in grief as I am in the process of saying goodbye to my beloved pastor, Father Seamus Genovese, who passed from this world last Wednesday.

With my pastor, one more of the three significant father figures of my life, has left this earthly plane. I have been feeling this loss in my bones, cell, and heart. I have been sill and overwhelmed in turn.

I have always wanted to wrote a piece about St Joseph, entitled “ The unsung hero of the Bible”. That’s how I have always seen him. A heroic figure standing in the background while at the same time, creating the space where his loved ones can flourish and are protected.

Consider what was asked of him and consider his response, we meet him as a devote man in a respected family. He was engaged to a young woman and is looking forward to his marriage and his comfortably stepping into his place, as a member of his tribe. He was entitled to be a patriarch, a leader. He is entitled to power and leadership.

Imagine his horror when he is told, by his betrothed that she is pregnant. She is pregnant and he has not had sexual contact with her! All of his dreams must have felt shattered, He might have felt betrayed, and angry.

He lived in a time that by virtue of being a man , he had the right of retribution – he could have publicly denounced her. He could have soothed his wounded ego by speaking against her; his wounded pride could have been puffed up by watcher he be put to death. He could have done all of this and been within his right to do so. But be does not. He decided that we will quietly separate from her – he will do this graciously. He decided to spare her life at the expense of his pride.

I have always felt that Joseph loved Mary with a powerful and soul deepening love.

This good man is then visited by an angel. The angel reassure him and asks that he have faith. That Mary is faithful, and that the child she carries is part of God’s perfect plan. This child that is coming has noble purpose.

When mary is asked to be the mother of the holy child, she accepts but still questions; how can this be possible? Joseph, however is told about the special purpose of his fiancée
S pregnancy – he does not question – he acts.

He marries Mary and by all accounts was a loving and devoted spouse. He many times responds swiftly to requests from God to move his family out of harms way. He loves his foster son, Jesus and shares with him his most precious possession – his trade. Doing so he gives the boy the means to make an earthly living and it is a way to share with the boy more that a bit of who he was, and who his family lineage was. No need to do this for a child you care nothing about – but for a child your love, such sharing was imperative. A young man with no trade would have no recourse but to be either a beggar or a criminal. But Jesus was a beloved child whose foster father cherished him. Joseph loved this child and his mother, and as a result this child grew to honorable manhood and was able to embrace his life’s mission.

St Joseph was a good and righteous man and it is often rather easy to overlook people like him. People who stand in protective stance while creating the space in which others are allowed to thrive. This to me is the very essence of father. Protector, nurturer, guide. one who is plugged into God on behalf of his children,spouse, his patients, his community, or his congregation,

In my child life, I was not gifted with fathering as envisioned above. I was abused on every level a child could be.

My salvation came from literature and films, Atticus Finch looms large here, and Gregeory Peck portrayal of a grounded honest and brave man walked along side of the vision of st Joseph given to me by my Catholic faith to allow me to begin to form a model f father that I could rest upon to complete my growth into womanhood.

As a woman, I have struggled with this concept, of men, of father. Though I have consciously focused on healing my abuse for most of my adult life, I have struggled mightily knowing that my internal computer simply didn’t have data on men who were: unselfish, protective, caring, sharing, professional, boundaried, principled, and safe.

It took time before I could recognize that such men actually existed in human men in real life as opposed to literature, film and biblical teachings.

But at least I had those visions, basic skeletons on which a vision of such goodness could be hung. And at least I had the story of Joseph to lean on, meditate upon as I asked God to bring appropriate men into my life; I kept the faith and they did appear.

I want to thank these men, these father figures without whom I would never have known a respectful, loving and honorable man. I think them and love them for the many gifts they shared with me. How they respected my me and help me to respect myself.

Thank you dear men – for your love. Thank you for allowing space for me to re-discover my own wholeness. Thank you for never doing the work for me but for standing close by, with a smile or a direction if I needed and asked for it. Given always with the quiet assurance, “You can do it. Yes, you can. You can live your life. You are amazing. Powerful. Intelligent. You can do it, go on dear. Live your life.

That’s what a father does in my estimation. That’s what these men dis for me and I am forever grateful.

These words are dedicated to Father Seamus Genovese the minister, confessor and mentor to my spirit and head of my wonderful spiritual home; Our Lady of Lourdes Church.

To Michael Dobbins, DC the father and protector of my body and health. Healer. Teacher. Guide.

And to Daniel Lesney, MFC, the counselor who helped me to find all of my lost inner children and who stood by my side as I made my first tentative steps towards parenting myself.

Though two of you have passed away, what you have all given me will life in my always. What you have given me , I share on a daily basis with my children, friends, family, clients and community.

Thank you for giving me the tools for living. Thank you for helping me to live my life.

St Joseph, your example of perfect fathering lives in my heart. I celebrate you also today. Thank you for taking a woman into your heart and showing her devotion. Your devotion allowed what was growing inside of her to flourish and become a gift to this world. yours is an example of loving fearlessly and faithfully and is a challenge to us all to do the same.

Thank you for sharing all that you had so that perfect love could be born.

st joseph and jesus

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