I need to cry .
Not for a minute , nor even for an hour, I need to cry for a very long time .
I need to cry and scream and wail and I need people around me who love me enough to not stop me . People strong enough to bare witness and offer food and drink and help me to the bathroom . People unbroken enough to not to interrupt my process with stories of their own pain , knowing that they will have their needs met another day – or later in the day. But that right now they are the gatekeepers at my journey through immeasurable pain.
I need to cry and shake and scream and birth myself through the ever increasing torture that life is. I need to have this till I’m exhaust- till I’ve fallen spent into the arms of god. Where I’ll be refueled with the serenity and spirit food needed to keep living in this despair – and perhaps transcend it.
Today I remember beloved people who were murdered, and the thousands who died with then this day and since.
My battered heart beats in memory of them and all those slaughtered due to racism ,hatred, greed, fear, and government/ corporate greed.
I grieve for all those beautiful hearts that no longer beat – all over the world, because this world worships , hatred, money , ignorance ,and power.
I grieve that I can do so little about the obstetric war being waged on this country’s birthing mothers. And how very few people seem to care about it.
There is so much to grieve.
But every day is a 9/11.
I need to scream.