angry grandfather

Hello Sir,

I am writing in response to you your letter to your daughter, this letter has recently gone viral and has been featured on many blogs as well as on television news. Typically, I would feel that this was a private family matter, and I would think my thoughts and say my prayers and leave it at that – however since your letter have become a point of public discussion, I feel it correct that I share with my readers and you, should you see this, my feelings and impressions .

I understand that the focus and intention of your letter was to show support for your grandson, who was being cruelly abandoned by his mother, your daughter. I read that you strongly disapprove of her actions and apparent heartlessness, and that you want your grandson to know that you stand behind him and are offering him you shoulder to lean on in the face of your daughters cruelty.

But I have to say that I was personally saddened at your decision to, in response daughters abandoning behavior – that you make the decision to follow suit, and to abandon her, after referring to her as the B word.

I would have sincerely hoped that as the family elder, that you could have worked to be a bridge between your child and her child. This is your family, and it was clear that there was much heartsickness and pain taking place.

Homophobia is an illness, and statistically one acquires such thought disorders in their family of origin. I respectfully request that you do as requested in 12 step programs, that you seek to do a searching and fearless moral inventory of your past history as a parent. None of us are perfect parents; none of us are given a manual on how to do this. Sometimes in spite of our best efforts – thoughts and opinions are transmitted to our children that we either did not mean at the time, or that we now with more life experience, no longer believe. I ask you to take a long hard look and explore how much of this is playing out in your families’ story, and take steps as the elder to build bridges rather than dig moats…

How does it create a bridge that you have referred to your own child as a most hated term of disrespect? How does it elevate her self-esteem and give her the courage to admit that she was wrong and to embrace her child, when her own father has publicly referred to her as a B word? How does it uplift your grandson as a gay man to insult his mother’s womanhood, by the use of that word? It doesn’t.

You as a grandfather have a sacred duty to 2 wounded generations of your family. And please hear me, I support 100 per cent you standing in support of your gay grandchild. I personally wish him a happy life, full of integrity and self-love.

And at the end of the day, your daughter is his mother. Though she is quite wrong, what I know of sons is that they love their mother with a love that will never die and that often she doesn’t deserve. He will need to find his way with the woman who gave birth to him, somehow. He needs to do this to complete his journey to full person hood and adulthood. He now has to find some way to do this knowing that you, his grandfather has publicly cursed his mother.

I pray that you can find a way to express your righteous anger while keeping your arms open to your daughter – she is your child, and it’s quite clear she is in pain. For only that would make it possible for her to turn her back on her child. She is in pain, she is delusional, and needs to loving guidance of her father as much as your grandson needs you right now.

I salute your love for your grandson and rejoice that he has a safe harbor with you.

And at the end of the day, I pray that you are able to do what I believe is the difficult work of being an elder – that of seeing truth and love and creating a space when your child and her child can find each other again.

I send prayers and love to your family, all three of you, and any and all of the ones you love. I pray that you all are graced with the peace that you all richly deserve.

This letter is not sent with judgment, but with love and respect, and I hope that it can be received in this light.

Wishing you all the very best, and if I may be of assistance, please let me know.

L. Samsarah Morgan

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