36 years ago tonight , I was a 19-year-old girl who earlier that day gave birth to twin baby boys .
They were 7 pounds 3 ounces and 6 pounds 10 ounces and perfect in every way .
They were 26 mins apart .
They were born vaginally and without medications , and I was triumphant in this fact and the utter perfect beauty of these little beings who had once taken residence under my heart .
Despite natural beauty of this birth – the attending nurse decided that ” I must be tired and needed to sleep “. She injected medication into my IV despite my objections and as a result I slept through the first day of my children’s life .
I still hate her for this …
Upon waking I was seething in anger and demand that my children be brought to me .
In 1979 all babies were kept in the nursery and brought to Mommas for scheduled feeding times so my demand meant much inconvenience to the nursing staff.
However, after I threatened to sue the hospital for giving me a medication I didn’t need nor requested, my babies were soon rolled into my room . I told the nurses to leave and turned to look at my perfect golden little boys .
I cried and apologized to them for having missed this entire day.., I scooped then both up and lay with them in bed , kissed their little heads and counted all their fingers be toes – they were so very perfect!
I sniffed them and licked them and hummed a song that I had made up for them and felt a feeling that I guessed must be joy… I wasn’t sure . I hadn’t had much experience with joy before .
But this feeling , this warmth , must be what joy was like…
The phone rang and it was my husband calling . In 1979 daddies didn’t stay overnight in hospitals with their wives and newborns .
His voice was low and I could tell he had been crying. ” my god honey ,” he whispered ” Me God, look at what we have done, look what we made.”
We listened to each other breathe and cried together . I held the phone over our newborns so that their father could hear their sounds .
I thanked my husband for the two dozen American beauty roses, that I finally noticed that he’d had delivered to my room.
1 dozen for each son .
“Thank you ,” he said “thank you for our children . I love you .”
I returned the sentiment and wished him a good night .
As my gaze turned to my children , I was well aware that I had never; until I knew they were growing inside me ,ever really had a clue what love was – but now I did . Knew it powerfully .
This was the first of many gifts that my children would give me .
This was my first day as a mom.
I curled up again with my sons and slept the first truly peaceful sleep of my life …
Lsm/urban nana / 2015
Photo of my sons at 3 months old